Warm Fuzzies, Too
by Dibsthe1
Summary: Another fluffy, gooey, heartwarming, sweet little family moment at the Membrane household! Membrane doesn't hit anybody this time, I promise. Really. Heavy sarcasm alert, though.


Disclaimer: I don't own it. No, I really don't, no, not at all.

_(A/N) This time I'm taking no chances. _

_Quite a few fics here show Dib as a sweeter, more caring and devoted older brother than he ever was in canon, but do these same fics modify Gaz? Yes they do; they make her WORSE! _

_I don't read here as much as I used to, not after finding fic after fic that basically has someone taking a baseball bat and smashing their faithful, loving dog to pulp for some trivial reason. Instead of tailoring the brute's trouser seat, the dog licks the very hand that battered it... and is beaten again, YAYY! This is cute? Somehow, the very same stuff that people KNOW is sad and sickening and depressing when they see it anywhere else is suddenly positively cuddlesome as soon as it's done to Dib. _

_If you laugh when Gaz abuses Dib, then you are sure going to laugh your head off at this! _

**Warm Fuzzies, Too**

It was 9:13:29:45:27 pm and the world-famous Professor Membrane was on his way home from another day of saving the world. Being the man without whom the world would fall into chaos was hard work! It was a full time job, as in 24 hours a day full time.

As always, he felt bad that he couldn't manage to be home for his children more often. As much as he longed to spend more time with them, somehow, only a few of all his plans to do so ever worked out.

The prototype car he had designed slowed to avoid hitting a cat, delaying him still more, before turning onto the side street his family lived on. Ah, here at last was his home, the familiar structure with the oval upstairs windows and the arch over the front door. Without his children, however, it would be no more than just another house.

As the car glided into the driveway the garage doors opened in time to admit it, closing immediately after the car was inside. The car door lifted, the seat began to turn and the mechano-servo mechanism he had designed now gently pushed him to his feet. Now that the world-famous Professor Membrane was home at last, he could drop the world-famous, drop the Professor, and just be himself, Membrane, the proud father of the two most wonderful children in the entire world.

He hoped he wasn't too late, and that they were still awake. "The world needs me, but my family needs me too. I wish I could just split in two like an amoeba. Then all my scheduling problems would be solved."

Only when he walked into the darkened kitchen did Membrane fully realize how late it was. The hour wouldn't leave them much quality family time. "I should have cancelled that last appointment and driven straight home from the lab," he mused. "Then I'd have approximately 25 and a half minutes more to spend with my family. I'll have to start doing that more often."

To all who asked, Membrane answered that he loved both his children equally. However, as much as he denied it to all who ever pressed him on the issue, he felt especially close to Dib, his first born, his son.

Membrane now firmly resolved to visit Dib first. No matter what else he did or didn't do in this life, Professor Membrane never ever wanted to let his son down, not ever, not in anything, not even in the smallest way.

Membrane hadn't seen his son in the garage. Neither was he in the kitchen, the living room, or any of the other usual gathering places. Dib would most likely be found in only other room in the house, his own room... unless he was out playing again with that foreign friend of his...

Membrane refused to consider the possibility of not seeing his son tonight. He would not be able to endure so crushing a disappointment. With bated breath he climbed the stairs and headed directly for Dib's room.

A light glowed under the door; his son was home after all! Membrane sighed with relief, then knocked cautiously.

"Stay out of my room!" came the furious roar.

"Dib? Son? It's me, your father!"

"I know who it is and I said STAY OUT of my ROOM!"

"Son, I have something for you! Dib?"

Unintelligible mumble.

"Can I come in, son? I have that part you wanted me to - "

"I'm not deaf idiot I heard you the first time!"

Grateful for the invitation, Membrane meekly opened the door and peered inside. Experience had well taught him what he could expect if he dared enter his son's room.

The only light in the room was coming from Dib's laptop. It cast a dim blue glow over the spooky aliens posters plastered all over the walls like mismatched wallpaper. Membrane could see that on the screen, a progress bar was nearing completion. Dib was hunched over the computer like he always was, paying attention to nobody and nothing else.

Membrane didn't dare step any closer; as scary as Dib could be at times, he was never more so than when his computer hacking was interrupted. When that happened, Dib's wrath was positively terrifying. Membrane meekly waited in the doorway for Dib to speak first. He didn't want to ruin this rare opportunity to share precious time with his son.

As he waited, Membrane recalled a little incident at the breakfast table just that morning. When he had made toast for Dib's breakfast, Dib had given him a black eye for it because he had wanted cereal instead. When Membrane took off his goggles to check the injury, Dib had suddenly poked him there and laughed at his father's yelp of pain.

Ah, those precious father and son moments they shared together! Membrane loved to hear his son laugh... even when it was at his expense. After all, that's what fathers were for, right? Right??

Telling his co-workers about Dib's latest adorable antics was always good for a laugh together. When he told them about the time he had been looking under the coffee table for something, and Dib had kicked him so sharply and so suddenly that he slammed his head into the sharp edge of the coffee table, they had staggered around in circles laughing.

When he described the time he invited Dib to play a board game with him, and as soon as Dib realized he was going to lose the game he grabbed his father's collar and punched and kicked him like a whirlwind, they laughed until they were wiping away tears.

When he told them about the time he had accidentally locked Dib in the garage, and the moment he let Dib out his son had launched so frenzied an attack on him that it left bruises, they laughed so hard they all had to run to the bathroom.

When he told them about the time Dib had deliberately locked him out of the house in the rain and wind, they had laughed until they all had hiccups.

Just the day before, he had showed up at work with a red face. When someone asked, "What happened? Did you drink the last soda again?" that was the cue for everyone to collapse against the walls laughing. Membrane had indeed been enjoying a soda while relaxing over the online newspaper, only to suddenly look up just in time to see his son charging at him a split second before viciously slapping his face over and over and over and over and over, all the while screaming and shrieking and screeching something about "the last one."

After one of these little father and son moments, Membrane had carefully knelt down to look his son in the eye, and very seriously told him, "I love you, son." When he told them Dib had responded to that by hauling back a fist and punching him square in the face, he thought they were never going to STOP laughing!

Yes, everybody just loved Dib! The fact that Dib had the guts to do all these things proved that Dib was Cool with a Capital C, and their admiration for this spunky, irresistible little rascal knew no bounds. Membrane's co-workers couldn't wait to hear what Dib had done to his father this time. Nothing else they talked about on coffee breaks ever amused them as much.

Membrane would laugh right along too, as loudly as all the rest of them. Lately, however, he was becoming aware of forcing this laughter past a lump in his throat. Why was this happening? Was it because of his swelling pride in the rapid increase in his son's lovely, admirable independence and strength? Or was it because the long hours at work made him miss out on so many of these unforgettable, heartwarming family moments?

Kicks, punches, objects thrown in his face, hair-raising insults and the most lurid threats imaginable... while Dib wasn't openly sentimental, he had a unique way of expressing his affection. However, when his father approached Dib too closely for any reason... such as to offer him a hug... Dib would punch him full in the face or the stomach or kick his shins, whichever was easiest.

Membrane was much older so it wasn't like Dib was going to kill him, so that meant all these kicks and punches were all okay. No matter how many times Dib hit him, Membrane would always come back eagerly looking for more because he was his father and he loved his son SO MUCH. However, what about Dib? Gingerly, Membrane reached for his black eye, the one Dib had so endearingly given him just that morning. Did Dib love him too?

"Well Membrane?" Dib snapped, breaking up his father's musings. "What did you think was so IMPORTANT this time, and you better make it quick, stupid, my download's almost done."

"Son, I had the most exciting day today! I couldn't wait to share this with you! First, I - "

"Your voice makes me sick." Dib gritted out. He was already bored from listening, but even then no one could miss the deadly sinister edge on his voice.

"Oh, uh, okay... So... so how was your day, son?"

"You're bugging me again!" Would this babbling old fool never stop going on and on about nothing? Dib didn't know how much more of this he could stand. "Your voice is stupid. My download's just about done and if I lose it NOW because of your scientific stupidity I will make you sorry I was ever born. So SHUT UP!"

The Professor held out a hand to Dib.

"Stay away from me, Membrane." Pinning his father with one of his trademark icy glares, Dib growled a stern warning to his father not to dare push his luck too far.

"I have something for you, Dib."

Dib squinted, contempt curling his lip. "What is it this time? An ant farm? Sea-monkeys? You're always wasting my valuable time with garbage nobody is interested in, least of all me! If you don't shut up so I can finish this, there will be HORRIBLE SUFFERING!" Dib prepared to return to his computer once again.

"Son, here's that thing you asked - TOLD!" Membrane hastily corrected himself as Dib's face clouded dangerously, "... told me to get, that... computer part."

Membrane was holding out to his son the biggest, shiniest, most expensive external backup Hard Drive Dib had ever seen in all his life!

Dib stood up and deigned to walk just close enough to his father to yank the offering out of Membrane's fingers; then, without a word he strode right back to his desk and placed the gift next to the computer. Resuming his seat, he scooted closer to his desk and proceeded to immediately open the fully downloaded file. "Good. I didn't lose it," he snarled. "AND it's opening. You were lucky this time. You know what happens when you make me lose my download!"

As Dib continued to stare at his computer screen, Professor Membrane waited for some acknowledgement. When none was forthcoming even after several minutes, he finally ventured, "Son?"

Dib continued hacking away at the keyboard as if Membrane wasn't even in the room.

"Son?"

Dib managed to detach his face from the screen and look up, eyes blazing fire. "WHAT!" he growled dangerously, his patience nearly at an end.

"Son, I love - "

"Yeahwhatever whiner."

" - you."

Membrane waited to see if his scary son would return the phrase, but Dib was once again lost in his hacking.

He tried again. "Son, do you - "

Impatiently Dib broke in, but paused for a fraction of a second as if changing his mind about something. "SHUT... the door."

Behind the goggles and mask, Membrane's eyes clouded with emotion and he bit his lip. What, oh WHAT had he ever done to deserve this?

Dib hadn't said, "Shut up, idiot!" THIS time!

Membrane stifled a sob as a warm feeling flowed through his entire body, his heart swelling as if it would burst. THIS one magical, precious moment made up for everything else! All the beatings and kicks and punches, all the objects thrown in his face, all the dire warnings, threats and insults, all the times Dib told him to go to hell were worth it, they were ALL worth it, every single one of them. Here was all the proof he would ever need that Dib LOVED him, he REALLY loved him!

"And I love you too son!" Membrane blubbered. Forgetting his place for the moment, he held out his arms to Dib as if he was about to walk up to him and pat him on the back.

In response Dib grabbed a hardcover book from the shelf and hurled it at his father's face. Apologizing frantically, Membrane ducked just in time. The book thudded into the wall over Membrane's shoulder and fell to the floor, its spine broken. With a hysterically comic high-pitched shriek of alarm, Membrane beat a hasty retreat!

He could only hope Dib would not chase him and administer a full punishment for forgetting his proper place. To Membrane's great good fortune, Dib only dropped back down in his chair with an irritated grunt. "Moron."

Membrane would never, ever, ever blame Dib for Dib's behavior. He didn't deserve punishment; was just a little boy! Instead, Membrane racked his brains for an excuse - er, scientific explanation. He knew there had to be one, just as soon as he could make it up.

Dib acted like this er, because, uh... Dib just didn't know how to show any nicer emotions because his father wasn't nice enough TO him! Yes, that had to be it. Dib wasn't responsible for his actions, Membrane was. Membrane was older so anything that was wrong was automatically his fault.

No matter what Dib did, Membrane would continue to pour forgiveness (and more and more expensive gifts) on Dib. Membrane could plainly see all the pure love, all the flowing from the heart, warm family love behind all those trivial things like cracked teeth and split lips, broken noses and black eyes, bruised shins and books hurled in his face. Membrane was Dib's father so he KNEW love was behind it all!

However, Membrane now thought, looking down at the floor in shame, he hadn't been much of a father lately; he had been... working! And when he WAS home with his son, he... he did nothing but... but... BUG HIM! So much remorse filled his heart that he now resolved to present Dib with TWO brand new and even more expensive computer parts the next time he came home early.

He was going to be a better father to his son, Membrane vowed, starting this minute. It wouldn't be easy to be there for Dib without bugging him, but it would all be worth it because Dib was his son and he loved his son and Dib loved him too!

Or at least Dib loved him when he wasn't yelling, "Shut up, idiot!" and now that Membrane thought about it, this was over 99.99% of the time! That meant Dib loved him even MORE than Membrane already thought he did! And because the book had missed him, it didn't even count as Dib throwing anything!

Meekly murmuring, "Sorry, sorry, oh I am so, SO sorry," Membrane quietly, and very cautiously, closed the door, and headed off to spend some quality time with the other most wonderful child in the entire world, his daughter Gaz.

But somehow or other, it was never quite the same with her. Part of him was always just a little bit annoyed with Gaz, because she was never with him. Oh, she was _physically_ with him, but most of her was always trapped behind the screen of her video game, as if she could communicate only through one of the hoverscreens. When she did bother to speak she never said any more than, "Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh... " She certainly never bothered to call him by his first name, like Dib.

Gaz never... well, Gaz just never paid him any of this lovely, flattering _attention..._ and Dib did!

The End.

_(A/N) AAAWWWWWW, isn't Membrane just the most Perfect Father EVER! Dib treats him like the dirt under his nails, and Membrane not only doesn't say "Boo," he treats him BETTER! And wasn't the part about throwing the book the biggest, softest, gooiest piece of fluff EVER? (Well when it's happening to DIB it's called "heartwarming.")_

_If you like "badass" characters, then you love this Dib, right? Right? Everything he does here is something Gaz did in canon or some fic... so here he must be AWESOME and he ROCKZ HARDCORE! _

_Does this Membrane need to wise up? Well, this is how Dib reacts to Gaz in the most warmly received fics, and all too often in canon. No, Dib isn't always as much of a ridiculously slobbering bootlicker as this Membrane (sometimes he's worse). However, the Dib who is so self-deluded he kneels and worships this monstrous bully is the only Dib some will accept. _

_You know, if Gaz left it at sarcasm, threats and insults, with an occasional raised fist or shove or something... even as her larger actions were saying the opposite... okay. I actually could have bought it then, yes. Instead, she constantly brutalizes her brother both verbally AND physically, so here comes the only good thing I am ever going to say about Gaz: at least she does _not_ mix her messages. _

_Extreme, never-ending viciousness that would shame a mad pitbull on meth = "love." To anyone who's buying THAT, have I got a four lane, toll gated, steel cable suspension bridge to sell YOU. _

_"Gaz loves Dib." Pfffffeh, yehRIGHT._


End file.
